can i be a kid again?

if i waited another couple more months my next post would've been exactly a year after lol. when i was a kid i used to ask myself why adults stopped gaming (nostalgic games i.e. maplestory), posting on their blogs, or just pre-teen stuff in general. now i know it's because time becomes scarce as we age.

time is objective, and is the same for everyone - but it seems to carry a different speed at different ages.

so, so badly do i want to be a kid again. carefree is an understatement. being absolutely, ignorantly, genuinely, happy - that is my definition of being a kid.

it's good that i'm realising my dreams. but it's bad that time is flying by twice as fast while i live my life at normal speed. i'm not even good at living my life. i sound like a loser but i got my first 'credit' in vet school last trimester. good bye to my consistent '(high) distinctions' lol.

i was browsing through my facebook feed and i saw the quote "a day i spend with my mom is a day less she has left" on a fucking food review video (what is the link srsly) - that was NOT what i needed, especially because i have anxiety around anything death-related. i can't afford to lose anyone i hold close to my heart, it's too painful. imagining it is just torture. i would split myself into so many people if i could, just to do the things i love and spend the time with people i love.

so many people i've lost (not in a life-death sense) over the years. i'm so grateful for social media as we get to at least be their friends or followers just to see how they're doing.

also just an update from my previous post - ugg did pass away. and i got another rat, wes, whom also passed away shortly a couple months after. i've got lee and pinky now, and i love them more everyday.

bas and i are still going strong and i hope it stays that way. i'm so grateful to have crossed paths with him despite the rough journey we've had. his patience and kindness reminds me to better myself and it's not easy finding someone with a similar sense of humour. i love you and i appreciate you so much.

i'm super behind on lectures but i'm too tired to do anything about it. till next time.

xx